L's Got a Baby!
by BloodyCupcakes007
Summary: What started out as a desperate attempt to get free cake lead to the most curious turn of events...
1. Sex

It was just an average day at Kira Task Force Head quarts, when then…it happened.

"Hey L… how are you?" asked Light in a suspiciously cheerful voice. L glared. What was he playing at?

"…good?"

"Good. Say, how about we have sex?" Light nonchalantly reclined in a swivel chair with his arms behind his head, like all other douche bags in anime. Why do they always have to put their arms behind their head? WHY? NORMAL PEOPLE NEVER DO THAT!!!!!!! L merely blinked.

"Excuse Me, Light-kun?" L was praying he had misheard light. Sure, L was very sexually frustrated, and he's imagined doing Light's girlfriend, but Light? Hell no. Nuh uh. He wouldn't hit on that shit with a baseball bat.

"I said, do you want to have sex with me?" Light raised an eyebrow and did some creepy half smiley thingy that he probably thought was sexy but just made him look like a constipated douche bag. Not that he wasn't. He hasn't taken a dump since the seventh grade. But that's a whole other story….

L's mouth dropped open. "Umm…." L wasn't sure how to go with this. Plus, Light wanting to do it with him totally increased L's suspicion by 48.9%. Because L knew from the beginning that Kira was a horny bastard who totally wanted to bone him. Plus, the videos….L shuddered just thinking about the video's Kira sent that one time….

"I'll give you a piece of cheesecake…" Light sangsong.

L sighed.

"Fine. I'll have sexual intercourse with you. Only for the cake. Oh, but on one condition….you must wear a J-Dog Mask, you know, like from that one band Hollywood Undead."

"Meh…fine. But only because I;m a horny douche bag and am too gay to do it with my girlfriend"

And so they had sex. It was sexy sex filled with sexiness and sexual sexy sex things. Like five minutes of sexy sexual sex sex sex. You know, like sexy? But sexy and sexual? And sexilicious. Yeah, you know what kind of sexy sexyful sexual sex I'm talking about? Yeah, I know you know, so stop questioning my logic!


	2. No Cake and More Bad News

The next day was pretty much like any other after that. Soiricho yelling at people, Mogi doing working alone, Watari cooking, Light immersed in inner monologue and Matsuda playing with Aizawa's hair without his permission. All was normal…except for L. But L's never normal…but still. Something wasn't right. His ass hurt and he lost his virginity to a mega douche wearing a J-Dog mask. Heh heh heh… mega douche. Tee hee. Anyways, L was getting really really mad. After stirring a cup of coffee for 4 hours, he finally stood up and yelled.

"WHERE IS MY FUCKING CHEESECAKE, LIGHT?!?!?!" he screamed. The taskforce froze as Light sighed.

"L, L, L,. Tsk tsk tsk." Light shook his head

"STOP TSKING ME AND GIVE ME MY CAKE!" Light _sinmply_ shook his head.

"You stupid librarian, you know that I wasn't really gonna give you your cake, right? :I just wanted to do you…. Besides, who carries around cake? Do you expect me to magically pull it out of my ass or something? That's not even possible, you weirdo librarian head!"

Soirchicho's jaw dropped.

"Light! You did it with L? Oh great. Oh no. Oh dammit! Are we stuck in another crappy fanfiction again? DAMMIT! Don't these fangirls have a social life? Or homework?"

L's unnaturally pale face turned unnaturally red as he started shouting once more.

"FIRST OF ALL, I'M _NOT _A LIBRARIAN, YOU DOUCHE BAG! SECOND OF ALL, YES! YOU CAN PULL CAKE OUT OF YOUR ASS! HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK WATARI GETS ME CAKES SO FAST AND SO OFTE_N? _Hmmm? THIRD OF ALL –"

But before L could finish that thought, Watari put his hand up.

"Ryuzaki, I have a confession to make…" watari sighed. "I am an android. A gay android. That's how I can pull cakes out of my ass. Because I learned how to in gay android school."

Everybody just stared at Watari. Because honestly, everybody could already tell, because dude, watari had a moustache. All people with moustaches are gay androids who pull cakes out of their ass. And besides, Watari is a minor character, and who cares about them? So moving on…

L huffed and he puffed and then falcon punched Light in the balls.

"BITCH! GIVE ME MY CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"NEVER, YOU EMO WEIRDO LIBRARIAN!"

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!"

"OH YEAH, I WENT THERE, RYUZAKI"

"GO DIE OF AIDS, YOU PILE OF SHIT!"

"GO GET BOOBE FUCKED BY A NINE LEGGED OTTER!"

"OH YEAH? WELL GUESS WHAT? I'M PREGNANT!!!"

"…:"

L turned around dramatically and faced the dumbstruck audience.

"The most tragic part is, I;'m not kidding."

**To be continued….TONIGHT!**


	3. Abortions

Previously on **L's Got a Baby!...**

_Mogi became God of The New World_

_Ryuk won the lottery_

_Task force was under attack by Nazi Zombie's _

_Light Yagami came out of the closet_

_And we found out that L was pregnant!_

After the task force found out that L was pregnant, a frenzy was created.

"Lyke, ehmagawd, that is lyke sooooo freakay" said Mogi

Aizawa started shouting something about lawn gnomes, Matsuda fainted, Light grimaced, Watari screamed, and Soiricho pooped his pants. Then Ryuk pops along.

"Yo yo yo yo yo! Wuzz up mah peepz?" Ryuk pulled an apple out of Watari's ass (dude his ass is like a vice principals ass…it's so big and vacant)

"L's pregnant!" shouted everybody at once.

"Aw geez, Do you sorry mubber flubbers need an abortion? GNAR!" Ryuk kicked a wall out of fury, then started to do the Peanut butter jelly time dance.

Soiricho, wearing no pants because he poopied in them, started yelling.

"DAMN THE FANGIRL OTAKU'S! THEY COMPLETLEY RUINED THE ORIGINAL PLOT!!! DON'T THESE LITTLE BRATS EVER HAVE HOMEWORK? OR FRIENDS!?!?!"

"Daaad, put some pants on! Youre embarrassing me!"

"Light, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! SAYU is more manly then this! At least she doesn't give detectives pregnancy scares!"

"actually, I am pregnant…." L said sadly

Then Rem came along.

"Okay, okay, I'm here to give you an abortion, Ryuzaki." She sighed and then floated towards his stomach.

"Excuse me Chief," said Matsuda "How do shinigami give people abortions?"

Soicricho blinked and then turned to Light who tossed his head towards mogi who stared at aizawa who gazed at ryuk.

"Oh yeah, we pretty much stare at your stomach and then you can't have babies anymore"

So then rem stared at L's stomach….and then screamed

"IT WON'T DIE!!!!!!!!!" she gasped

"OH NOZ!" said everybody

"it's not dying because it has 3 parents…. I guess since Light did it with misa shortly before he did it with L but Light did it so quick with misa that the dna mixed but went in L instead….


End file.
